Crazy Boy Cooks Bavarian Crosses and Bloody Root Beers

My creative mommy didn't sew. Instead she pinned and masking taped our Halloween costumes. I believe my mom wanted to pin my sister Heidi and I into different entities, and dreamed of using the masking tape for something other than a hem. I was Clyde one year complete with M-16  and Heidi was the bereted, Bonnie with a Tommy gun. When I was nine my mom asked me what I would like to be for Halloween. I know. I would like to be a half woman-half man. You know, half my face will be like a Ladies face, the other half will be like a Man's and I'll wear half a dress, half pants. Even creative mommy did not go for this. Instead I was allowed to go as Morticia Addams. This was satisfactory. About the same time I decided to redecorate my bedroom. I covered a table with a plush fringed table cloth and put my yes, no, maybe 8 ball shaker on top. My new decorating skills worried my mother. I cut out photos I liked from a glossy magazine and taped them all over my bedroom walls. I did not realize the pictures were from a photo essay on a Satanic cult. In a round about way this brings me to today's theme and the psycho boy I married. Bahahahahaha. As my mommy used to say, To every coffin there's a lid.

Today is Wednesday and Crazy Boy Cooks

Crazy Boy Graces an Album Cover called "Handsome Devils"

Bavarian Pretzels Crosses and Bloody Root Beers
1T vegan sugar
3 C warm H2O
1 packet active yeast
1 tsp sea salt
3 C spelt flour
2 T Himalaya Salt
2 T Gomasio
2 T baking soda
2 T canola oil

Line 2 cookie pans with parchment.
Stir sugar into 1 C of the warm water.  Add yeast and let dissolve, whisk and let sit for ten minutes. It should foam after ten minutes. If it does not that means your yeast is dead as a door knob. Get a new one. Throw away the dead!!
Combine flour, sea salt and oil in in a large mixing bowl. Add yeast mix and mix until well combined. Knead for about ten minutes. Form into a ball.If it's too wet add more flour. Place dough into lightly oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and damp towel and let sit for about two hours in a warm draft free spot. Hell is always a good place to make bread. Let sit until the dough doubles in size.
Divide dough into 12 pieces. Roll into balls. Place on parchment and let sit for ten minutes.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Roll each ball into 16 inches and make into fun diabolical things. In a big bowl dissolve the baking soda with water. Brush dough with water baking soda mix and and some real or fake blood.
Bake until golden brown. 15-20 minutes
Enjoy with red colored root beer and vegan ice creme mixed in a mason jar.

Are you sure you can't stay for dessert? Bahahahahah.