Mofo Case #15 Scotland Yard Investigates

GiGi's case has confounded Scotland Yard.

Sherlock Holmes: We know that the blogger did not leave through the window. 
Dr. Watson: Yes, it seems that a careful investigation of the blogger's kitchen reveals that she almost never even left her kitchen.
Sherlock Holmes: Except to go to a fresh produce market.
Dr. Watson: Or Trader Joe's. We will have to follow her footprints.
Sherlock Holmes: Keep in mind Watson that this blogger's footprints will be quite different. Vegans do not wear leather and the tracks they leave are extraordinary.
Dr.Watson: And she loathes Crocs.
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary my dear Watson, elementary.
Dr. Watson: Some tea, sir?
Sherlock Holmes: Lapsang Souchang please, oh and some 7% solution, Doctor.

.
Sherlock's Black Tea (or Chai Spice) Breakfast Bar 
Highly Suggested Serving Suggestion: superb with vegan clotted creme,or raspberry jam

1.5 C dates
1 C apricots soaked in a cup of tea that has been steeped with three tea bags
1/2 C dried figs
5 T dark cocoa powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon 
1/2 tsp nutmeg

Soak apricots in strong tea for about a half hour. Drain. Place all ingredients in food processor and blend until smooth. Line an 8x8 pan with plastic wrap.Turn the mixture into the pan and pat down.
Refrigerate for several hours or overnight.


Anyone with any information about GiGi is urged to call 555-555 lost. Thank you.

Mofo 2013 Case File # 11 Mayberry RFD Investigates and Easy as Apple Pie

Opie: Hey Pa, maybe GiGi the missing blogger is down by the fishing hole.
Andy Taylor: Why that's a darn good guess son, but I don't think that is where she'd be hiding.
Opie:Why? Ain't she got a pole, Pa?
Barney Fife: No pole, Opie. She doesn't catch fish cuz she is from Yankee country and then she moved clear across the map to Cal-ie-forni-I-A. But we don't know where she is now.
Aunt Bee: Poor thing. Wonder where she could be. She could probably use some of my fried chicken.
Andy Taylor: Wherever she is Aunt Bee, she won't be partaking in any of your fine fried chicken either.
Barney Fife: The heartache, the heartache! She won't have any buttermilk coated dinners either. She's a Yankee vegan!
Andy Taylor: Now don't go making that GiGi blogger any of your kerosene pickles Aunt Bee. 
Opie: That sure won't entice her back.
Andy Taylor: Sure won't.
Aunt Bee: Oh Andy! I won't. I will bake up some good ole apple something.
Barney Fife: Love your Apple Pie Aunt Bee. We sure have to nip this case in the bud!
Aunt Bee: If only finding GiGi was as easy as apple pie.

Gluten Free Apple Spice Muffins With Easy as Pie Ice Creme

Aunt Bee's GF Apple Muffins With Easy as Pie Ice Creme
2 1/4 C of Perfect Blend GF flour (or any GF flour that includes xanthan gum)
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1.5 tsp cinnamon 
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 C coconut oil
2/3 C agave or maple syrup
1/3 C apple juice
1/3 C rice milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 C TJ's chunky applesauce

Preheat oven to 325 degrees and line a jumbo 6 C tin with paper liners. In a medium bowl whisk all the dry ingredients. Add all the liquid ingredients, except the chunky apple sauce. Stir. Fold in the chunky applesauce. 
Bake 11 minutes and then turn the pan 180 degrees and bake another 11 minutes or so, until top of muffin pops back easily when you press it. Let cool in pan for 15 minutes and then remove muffins to wire rack.

Easy as Pie Ice Creme
1 pint of your favorite vegan vanilla  ice creme softened
1/2 C TJ's chunky apple sauce
1 tsp ginger
1 tsp pumpkin spice or cinnamon and nutmeg to taste

Empty pint of softened ice creme into a big bowl. Mix in spices, and gently fold in chunky apple- sauce. Scoop prepared ice creme back into container. See, easy as pie.




Any one with any information about  GiGi is urged to call:

Mofo 2013 The GiGi Doppelganger and Gluten Free Cookies

Good morning everybody in Mofo Land. Larry, here. Did GiGi ever mention to you that we live in a destination spot? It's true, people come from far and wide to hangout on the famous Solano Avenue which is a mile and half row of restaurants, boutiques, an indie movie theatre etc. and just happens to be around the corner from us. Living here in this cool area makes up for our MRI sized dwelling. The cat kids and Jerry love it. Anyway, yesterday was the annual Solano Stroll. Since 1974 Solano Avenue and the twin-cities of Albany and Berkeley CA, have hosted the Solano Avenue Stroll, the east bay's largest street festival! They feature over five hundred vendors including entertainers, food booths, government and non-profit agencies, hand-crafters and more! Participants and the event guests visit from everywhere throughout California! (Some even from out of the state.)

Now I am well aware that I might be a suspect in the disappearance of GiGi, however I have decided to take the matter into my own piano playing hands. I decided to scour the streets of the stroll for GiGi and because there are not a lot of vegan options at the Stroll for GiGi, I figured she might be hungry. I brought some GF sugar free, oil free cookies she had frozen just before she... she, you know went missing from her blog. Maybe the cookies would entice her. First the cookies, then the footage and stills. Do you think this is GiGi or a GiGi doppelganger? 

Gingersnaps

3/4 C melted coconut oil
1/3 C unsweetened applesauce
1 tsp sea salt
3 T molasses
1 C agave
2 T non-alcoholic vanilla
2 1/4 C GF  "Perfect Blend" flour
1/4 C flax meal
1 tsp baking soda
jam optional

Preheat oven 325 degrees. Line two baking sheets with parchment. In medium bowl combine the first 5 ingredients. In another medium bowl whisk the dry ingredients. With a spatula carefully add the dry to the wet ingredients until a grainy dough is formed. Using a small scoop scoop dough onto prepared baking pans, spacing 1 inch apart. Flatten with heel of your hand. Bake cookies 1 inch apart for 9 minutes, rotate pans and bake another 6 minutes. Remove from oven and cool on racks for ten minutes and then remove cookies from pan. Let cool and then spread one cookie with jam of your choice and top with another cookie. 

Is this GiGi?

Anyone with any information concerning GiGi is urged to contact: 

MoFo 24 Sloth Day Friday Packaged Stuff and Sin City

Hey everybody it's Sloth Friday. Did you know that sloth is one of the 7 Deadly Sins? Since it's almost dias de los muertas we could start the party early and call today Day of the Deadly. I bet Kittee B. from Cake Maker to the Stars could even swing by with some of her menacingly beautiful sugar skulls. She's a maniac with those sparkly skulls, and she's been up to her underpants in glitter. Enough about Kittee. It's my blog.

Technically sins aren't supposed to be healthy. Even if you act out in moderation, it's not supposed to be good for you. But really, what's one more day of testing the fates?
Tonight I bring you packaged food you can slit open with a serrated knife and then cram down your throat while you eat at the kitchen sink, or in the corner under a dim light, or even partially suffocated under a non-wool Eco friendly blanket.

Oh forget it! You guys probably don't do that. Everybody has such nice kitchens and lives and, and, and...oh where did that serrated knife go? Did you know that self pity is another one of the 7 Deadly sins?

I never had the salsa hummus before and guess what? I got it for free! It's true. The cashier at WF didn't see a bar code and she and the bagger gifted me with it. Greed is another deadly sin. I thanked them profusely and then asked if they had any other freebies for me. On to the next sin.

I know, I know it is the year of the nut cheez, but hey this is grab and go. I heard somewhere that lust often masquerades as romance. Yep lust it's just another one of those deadlies. Eh. Who cares. I just love daiya sooooo much.

Rejected by a wedge of vegan cheez. Oh well it just would have been a marriage of convenience anyway. Still it pisses me off. You know what daiya? You can just Eat it!!

Sorry! Anger is another deadly sin. I think I will feel better after dessert. Crazy Boy didn't want any, and I could have eaten the whole thing by myself but that would have been gluttonous, and I think I've had enough sitting around sinning tonight. I left half for CB. He had it for breakfast and said he actually liked my raw tarts better. Not sure what that means. I think we all could use 10 Hail Merries.

Friday MoFo 5 Sloth Day Pizza

It's Friday and that means it's Sloth Day here at Veganville.
There are two kinds of sloth. The human kind and the animal kind.

The human sloth is:
a lover of sleep, couches, e-z boys, fuzzy slippers, high octane coffee, and early retirement and packaged foods. 47% of Americans who cannot afford health insurance have been referred to as sloths.


The animal sloth is:
so lazy that he cannot get up off his South American tree or ass. He is often two toed from losing his other toes to diabetes, since he could never afford his own health care. He grows algae all over his fur, because he is too lazy to shed. He has never voted in an election because he is two lazy to register.

By virtue of toes and voter registration I fall into the first category. Today we make gluten -free pizza crust from a package we found in a chain store. We shop at TJ Maxx for food props, and found this on the shelf. Vegan and GF! Why not?

We found it easy to make and spread out on the cookie sheet. We had some basil and vine ripened tomatoes in the frig, along with some Daiya. Just tore, sliced and sprinkled the ingredients. We added some nooch and a little oregano.

We thought it would taste like a flat bread, but we were really pleasantly surprised. After slicing the pie we realized the crust was indeed crusty as crusty crusts should be, and the rest of the slice was unsoggy and yet we could fold it like a New York pizza slice. This made these two New Yorkers very happy. I will definitely make it again, um maybe after another snooze.
We are super stoked about this crust.
Thanx for stopping by and remember to vote ;)

MoFo 11 Radium Pie and Spying on Other Blogs

Today's MoFo entry is exceptionally horrific and partially stupid. GiGi  accepts no liability for the content of this blog, so there.
Today was another monster day in the kitchen. I wound up downing Whirly Pop popcorn tossed with Daiya mozzarella, nooch and sea salt for dinner for the 2nd consecutive night this week. This does not make for a great food photo op, so rather than miss another day of MoFo I decided to troll. Please take note of all my horror metaphors, (monster, troll bahaha). I actually spied on other MoFoers. Spying is way more fun and way more productive than reading my blogger stats every 15 minutes to see if someone in Singapore has read my latest blog about Martha Stewart. There is some scary ass stuff going on in MoFo land. I'm not kidding. Here's what I found.

1. Crazy funny Cara over at Fork and Beans posted a picture of some pumpkin head regurgitating his breakfast.
This is what I looked like back when I used to mix tequila with my oatmeal.

2. Another blogger almost poisoned their family, (with undercooked beans). I'll have to remember that. Undercooked beans, undercooked beans! The blogger further explained that poisoning their family was unintentional. This was a slight disappointment to me. Imagine the Agatha Christie like headlines:The MoFo Murderess Among Us. I mean think about it for a moment. There's gotta be at least one off their rocker blogger among 872. Right? Hmmmmm. BTW does anyone recall who the almost murderess was? Her name escapes me, perhaps she escaped too. If you know please contact me, so I can give her and the FBI a shout out.

3.  Boychucker confesses that she has just had a steamy affair with Seitan. They've been to hell in a steamer basket. She's done playing with fire, so this week Boychucker is all about sandwiches or sammiches.

4. Last night at the stroke of 10:15, I created a pear and cranberry crumble or was it a pi? It might have been a pi because I was able to cut exactly 3.147 slices. Either way the dessert vanished without a trace of a recipe. I believe the ingredients will come to me in a dream.

Here is evidence that it was indeed created.

Pre Gluten-Free Crust

Radium Pie With Glowing Gluten Free Crust

Gggggggggg "night. Bahahahaha.

Autumnal Pumpkin Pancakes with Bob's Dread Mill

The vegan boards are in an upheaval. That's right. Apparently Bob and Mrs. Bob the retired founders of Bob's Red Mill have considered donating a hunk of money to an Oregon corporation that does animal testing. This is not good, especially since lots of vegans, me included have at least one of Bob's products in their pantry. Bob's face is even on the front of the package. We have a package of unopened Bob's Gluten Free all purpose baking flour in the cupboard. Now what should we do with this brand new bag of Bob's? Well, rationalize of course. See no evil, hear no evil...doesn't usually  work for me. However I did purchase said bag before Bob's Red Mill became Bob's Dead Mill. So after much deliberating, Crazy Boy and I decided to see what would happen if we used some of evil Bob's flour. Would we be struck down? Would we be ostracized from the vegan community? My activist friends know where we live. Would we wake up to find that our apartment had been leafleted, toilet papered and bloodstained in the middle night? Would my reveries of being a poster child for PETA end?
C'mon, please dear vegan friends, we bought this gluten free flour way before Bob and Charlee donated to the evil corporation and we besides we want pancakes for dinner.

Psycho boy googled an Engine 2 suitable pancake recipe and without reservation, tore open the Bag with his teeth, and got to work. For some crazy reason he used a waffle recipe for pancakes. Sometimes waffle and pancake recipes are interchangeable. Sometimes waffle batters are thinner. Personally I didn't want to take any chances. I was scared enough using the butcher's bag of gluten free flour. PBoy mixed the batter together and heated the pan. I hid in the closet with a crucifix and some roasted garlic.
Let me know when it's ready, I'm freaking starving, I croaked from my place of darkness.
Stop panicking it's just a bag of gluten free flour, your friends won't find out, PBoy said.
Yeah they will. They know everything there is to know about butchering. And then they'll show up with picket signs.

And then I heard it, bloodcurdling Linda Blair screams coming from the man who was once my husband.
I ran to the kitchen, stopping on the way to pick up another makeshift rosary. Actually it was two Popsicle sticks and a necklace stuck together.
What is it????
Oh these stupid pancakes have no oil in the pan because we're on this E2 Plan and they are sticking to the skillet. Damn it!
So add some more spray.
Okay.
Anything else?
NO..They're almost ready.
Good I'm starving.

I must say they were excellent pancakes, except for their obvious deformities, hence no pics.
Use this recipe at your own risk! Bahahaha.

Sideshow Punk-in Pancakes Gluten Free


11/4 Bob's Dread Mill Gluten Free Fix
2 T cornstarch
1 T ground flax seeds
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2  tsp ginger
1/ 2 tsp allspice
1 T agave
3/4 C solid-pack canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie filling)
11/2 C rice milk or any vegan milk thereof
2 tablespoons orange juice

 Spray skillet with canola spray, heat pan. Mix all ingredients together. (Batter will be thick; add more liquid if you want a thinner batter.) You will need to spray skillet between batters. Proceed at your own risk. Oh stop waffling. Any thoughts on the Bob's Red Mill debacle?