This is Not My Beautiful House

I'm just too old to live in this shoe box apartment. This is not my beautiful house. How did I get here? Well, occasionally this happens to those of us who do not jump off a cliff or just slice the wrong artery. Mostly it happens to those of us who are not consistently monetarily recognized for their special brand of deluded creative genius. I'm not complaining, mind you, our fleabag apartment has some perks.


Why our apartment came with it's very own slumlord, for no extra charge. We call him Scuffy. Scuffy doesn't walk. He scuffs. Scuffy is right out of central casting, a Dickensian landholder and tax lawyer for the new millennium. Scuffy doesn't talk but barks accusations. Scuffy's slum lord uniform consists of tan Rockports, a navy small peaked birdwatching hat, and a JC Penny beige windbreaker. Sometimes he brings his long suffering wife, the Australian Jane Hathaway with him on a date to empty the trash.


I usually stay out of Scuffy's way but I was so intent on vigorously shaking my new can of spray paint to tag the side of the building that I didn't hear the Rockport shuffle.


Scuffy: You didn't mix the glass bottles with the regular trash, did you?
GiGi: No.


Scuffy: Are you sure you didn't mix the recyclables with the regular trash?
GiGi: Yes. I'm sure.


Scuffy: You didn't throw a baseball through Apt #3's window did you?
GiGi: No.
Scuffy: Are you sure you didn't throw a baseball through Apt #3's window?


The fact that I'm not 11 years old eludes Scuffy. Apparently it eludes me too.


GiGi: (under my breath) Fuck you, Scuffy!
Scuffy: What!
GiGi: Nothing.
Scuffy:You are not going to write obscenities on this building with that spray paint are you?
GiGi: Yes, I mean no.
Scuffy: Are you sure you're not writing obscenities on this building with that spray paint?
GiGi: I'm sure. I'm making a Michael Jackson birthday cake.


This did not impress Scuffy.
Scuffy:You're making a Michael Jackson birthday cake?
GiGi: Yes.
Scuffy: Are you sure you're making a Michael Jackson birthday cake?
GiGi: I'm sure I'm making a Michael Jackson birthday cake.


Truth is, I really was. I was making a Michael Jackson cake for adorable 11 year old Cora's birthday party. I decided to use props around the cake because I coudn't figure out how to mold a cake into a glove. The white glove I purchased looked too much like that annoying hamburger helper white glove. Did you know that that that white cutesy hamburger glove singlehandedly kills cows? I digress.
The cake was a success. It looked better at the Nelson's house though. The kids and adults gave it a thumbs up ;)
As an added surprise I gave each kid a can of spray paint.

Anatomy of a ...Part Two

We decided to make Britney's gown half tofutti and half earthbalance to make her more like a cheesecake. In an effort to make Britney "like a virgin" (remember she and Madonna were once Lesbian lovers ) we left her icing untinted. Alas, a bald head and white attire can look a little cultish.  Hey some of my best friends like leafleting in airports, but this is about Marcia and my Britney cake not my Hari Krishna BFFs.


Anyway, I just happened to have some left over blue icing in the frig which was perfect for B-MXL's ( in case you are unhip to abreves B-MXL =Britney-Madonnas's Ex Lover)- bodice. While Marcia constructed a hat from a water bottle top and recycled foil, I mixed up some toxic red and manicured Britney's nails. We then added a swirl of feathers to B's showgirl hat and she was ready for Vegas!


Wait a minute. What about Britney's legs and all that leftover Toxic red?


How about a homage to a cause close to all our hearts?


BADD!
Barbies Against Drunk Driving

Anatomy of a Barbie, Chrissy or Britney cake/ Part One

My pal Marcia and I are both youtube junkies so prior to embarking on this project we sat and watched a lovely Mormon right wing army wife and 20 year old mother of 5 create a pristine Barbie princess cake. Of course we had other plans for Barbie!

While Marcia went thrifting for a suitable Barbie facsimile it was my mission to bake a hoop skirt we could plunge Barbie's torso into.
I baked two 9" cakes for the base and baked a third in a heavily greased round pyrex. Even though the second appeared to be a crispy mess, it was actually okay because I would be torting the crap out of it to fit on the base. My hubby Larry ate the crispy mess part and gave it a thumbs up.
Pyrex Hint of the day: Depending on your recipe lower your temp. by 25 degrees and add about 15 minutes to the cooking time. Pyrexing might take some experimentation.
While the second attempt at proper pyrexing was cooling, Marcia texted me to tell me Barbie was now a recluse, but Sporty Spice and Britney Spears were available for our gig. The only problem with Britney was that she had an uncanny resemblance to Chris Evert. Marcia and I agreed that people would be able to differerntiate between Chris Evert and Britney only if Marcia shaved Britney's head. So... the purchase was a done deal.

Thrifting can be a dirty job. I mean really... who knows where Britney and Chrissy have been sitting lately. Marcia did an awesome job shaving Britney's head and then we gave Larry the honors of bathing Britney in our dwarf like sink. (For those of you reading into sexual immuendo here, forget it...Larry is just a little OCD and loves cleaning...anything).

I whipped up some vegan buttercream, and we filled our trusty pastry bags with a star tip, but uh- oh would Britney be able to pop out of this cake? After eyeing the dimensions Marcia and I realized that we would have to make an executive decision. What would k-fed do? For the love of God and cakemation we decided to break Britney's legs.

Etsifying...and how I got expelled from Wilton Cake Decorating 101
It Starts With An Idea.



Ooooh...Hunter S. Thompson Cupcakes!!
GiGi Tells Timothy Leary to get out of her freaking kitchen!

Timothy Once Again Ignores GiGi

GiGi Relents





"Ooh. F-yeah these cccccupckakey thingies are
ggoood Timmy!"




GiGi thinks she will go Ask Alice if she wants some.

GiGi is Expelled From Wilton Cake Decorating 101.