It's a Mad Mad Mad Matzoh World

It's spring. Vegan peeps season has come and gone. The bunny costume is in moth balls 'til your next gig. And that ugly green basket filler can't be composted. Well boo hoo hoo. Things are still looking up little ducky. After all it's still matzoh time. Matzoh is like the tofu of the Jewish World. Bland by itself but supernatural when mixed in with other flavors. Matzoh is a quick change artist. Today's post deals with all things matzoh. 

The Uncensored History of Matzoh

Once upon a time there were two Jews, probably living in Brooklyn. It was right around Easter.  Anyway these two Jews needed a snack so they went to their corner bagel shop. The corner shop was totally out of pumpernickel bagels, their favorite. Mr. Leven the owner, said, I'm out of leavening, which is very Un-Levened of me. Bahahaha, all the Jews guffawed. But here take some flour and New York water with you.They have this new cracker in Egypt called matzoh, maybe you can make it. It has no Levening. Bahahaha. The Jews guffawed again.
So the two hungry Jews went home and made something that looked a lot like cardboard.
One of the Jews chipped his tooth, but that was okay because the other Jew, (his friend) was a dentist.
This matzoh is tough.
Matzoh tough, yeah good luck with that.
Let me try.
Yeah Matzoh's tough. Good luck.
Still they thought this cardboard wasn't bad if they added some dead sea salt. Maybe tough to break, but something  that they still wanted to share with friends. They would just have to tell their friends that the matzoh was tough and good luck.
So each time the Jews gifted their friends with a box of this new matzoh, they would say, "matzoh tough, good luck". This later translated into Mazel Tov, which means good luck with the matzo.
It wasn't until like Zero A.D. that matzo became perforated, right around the same time thatJesus invented zip lock bags.

Matzoh Lasagna

Matzoh Lasagna up close and personal

Matzoh Lasagna Recipe

Approximately 1 box matzoh (any flavor) I used plain
20 oz ( I think) Hm marinara or in a pinch TJ's organic basics tomato sauce in can
2 cups broccoli (chopped)
2 C mushrooms
110 oz tofu drained and pressed
3 T nooch
1 8 oz. package of Shredded Daiya Mozzarella
T of oregano
canola oil spray or olive oil spray
sea salt
1 C H2O

Crumble the tofu in a bowl and add about 2 T of nooch and sea salt to taste. Set aside. Spray fry pan with oil and saute broccoli about 3 minutes, add mushrooms and saute about 2 more minutes. Remove from heat. Get out your 9x13 in. lasagna pan and some foil.
Ladle about 1/2 C marinara on bottom of lasagna pan. Layer with about 5 matzohs. Spread with tofu ricotta, then a layer of veggies and a about 1/4 C Daiya. Repeat with sauce....layering. Pour the H2O all over this baby in between the crevices too, (you don't want hard matzoh), then sprinkle with a little nooch and oregano. Cover with two overlapping layers of foil. Bake for about 35 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 20 minutes til bubbly and you just can't wait.

 Two Desserts: Here Comes Trouble

PB Matzo Sandwich Cookie

3-4 Matzos preferably perforated
1/4 C chopped walnuts or peanuts
3-4 T PB
1/2 C dark cocoa
4 T coconut oil melted or in liquid form
1/4 C agave
Line cookie pan with parchment paper and spray lightly with canola oil. Combine coconut oil with agave. Stir then add cocoa powder. Stir until it gets thick. Set aside. Spread PB evenly between matzos. Sandwich together. Cut in even rectangle or squares. Brush both sides with chocolate mixture and sprinkle with nuts. Place in refrigerator or freeze until solid.


Matzo Chocolate Brittle

Make Chocolate the same as above, but ignore matzo perforations. Cover Matzoh sheet in chocolate and freeze. Break or cut into triangle and serve with your favorite vegan ice cream.

P.S. Can I have a bagel now?
A big thank you to my photographer today Mr. Crazy Boy :)

MoFo 10 Lasagna-An Aerial View

Yes the road is paved with good intentions. I fully intended to write a recipe blog on roasted veggie and meatless ground round lasagna. I realize all my MoFo recipes thus far are laden with Daiya so I probably need to switch it up a bit. Plus my stupid lasagna photo looks like an aerial shot of Smyrna, Georgia.

Look closely. That might look like a black olive far right but it is actually the house Julia Roberts grew up in. A little to the left of Julia's birthplace- the thing that looks nothing like an onion- is the acting school Julia's parents owned.
Oh for goodness sake, I promised a savory recipe today and by God I'll post it.

Smyrna Lasagna
1/2 box of 16 oz no boil lasagna (365 is vegan)
20 oz, ( I think), Hm marinara or in a pinch TJ's organic basics tomato sauce in can
1 cup of baby carrots
2 cups broccoli (chopped)
1 onion (chopped)
About 7 oz of spinach thawed and water squeezed out.
1  10 oz tofu drained and pressed
1 clove of garlic smashed and chopped
3 T nooch
2 tsp olive oil
1 8 oz. package of Shredded Daiya Mozzarella
1 package Yves meatless ground round
1 T of oregano
canola oil spray or olive oil spray
sea salt
1C H2O


Preheat oven 400 degrees. Line a cookie sheet with parchment and spray with oil. Place veggies on prepared pan. Spray again and sprinkle with sea salt. Bake about 20 minutes. Meanwhile back on the farm....
Crumble the Yves in one bowl and the tofu in another. Get out your 9x13 in. lasagna pan and some foil. 
For the ricotta...add garlic salt, olive oil and nooch to and mush it. Set aside.

When the veggies are done well take them out of the oven silly. Turn oven down to 375 degrees. Now assemble.
Ladle about 1/2 C  marinara on bottom of lasagna pan. Layer with about 6 overlapping noodles. Spread with ricotta, then spinach, then Yves, then a layer of veggies and a about 1/4 C Daiya. Repeat with sauce....layering. Pour the H2O all over this baby in between the crevices too, (you don't want hard noodles), then sprinkle with  a little nooch and oregano. Cover with two overlapping layers of foil. Bake for about 35 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 20 minutes til bubbly and you just can't wait.

OMG I swear I  can see Julia Robert's face in my lasagna.

4 my blog by Vegan Chick on Polyvore.com

The Color Eggplant

Lynn chose to refresh her walls with a palette of mint julep, pistachio and sea foam. Lynn decorated with a green thumb and accented rooms with lavender. Lynn also loved the color purple almost as much as Oprah does, but this blog is not about Oprah.


Oprah never ever read my blog,even though she was sued by ranchers and calls herself a vegan. Real vegans read my blog! Oprah has never asked me to pose for any of O's magazine covers. Oprah might love the color eggplant, but she's not getting any of it. According to a nationwide survey Oprah does not need any more lasagna.
This recipe is in honor of Lynn and should be as appetizing as her decorative paint.

Roasted Eggplant and Spinach Ricotta Lasagna (vegan of course)

1 Box of Vegan No-Boil Lasagna

1 Medium sized Eggplant,olive oil spray

28oz. HM or Your Favorite Purchased Vegan Tomato Sauce
Approximately 1/2 C of Chopped Sundried Tomatoes in Oil
10oz. "Follow Your Heart"  Vegan Mozzarella Cheese
1 Cup Water

Vegan Ricotta (this is multi purpose and can be used to stuff shells, or toss with spaghetti)

8oz.Frozen Spinach thawed
1 Firm Tofu Drained and Pressed
2 tsp Fresh Lemon
2 tsp Olive or Canola oil
1/4 tsp Sea Salt
1/4 C Nutritional Yeast (nooch) + 3 T

Roasted Eggplant
Preheat oven 425. Line cookie sheet with foil. Lightly spray with canola oil.
Peel and slice eggplant into rounds.Lightly salt. Place on cookie sheet and bake about 4-5 minutes each side. Set aside.
Turn  Oven down to 375.

Ricotta
Make Ricotta. Mush the already pressed/drained tofu into a medium bowl. If your hands are clean use them to mush the tofu, it's fun. Add lemon juice, garlic and spinach. Mush with your clean hands again. Keep mushifying for 2-5 minutes. Add nutritional yeast (not Brewer's yeast)
and olive oil. Go ahead you can use a fork to mix now. Cover ricotta until ready to use. Clean your hands after all that mushing.

Lasagna
Spray a 9x13 lasagna pan. Ladle some sauce on bottom of pan and spread evenly with enough to cover the pan. Follow with a layer of lasagna noodles (yes they can overlap)  then a layer of ricotta spread with spatula and a teaspoon of sundried tomatoes on each lasagna noodle. Folllow with a slice of roasted eggplant,sauce and then shredded cheese. Continue layering. Last layer should be shredded cheese. Sprinkle remaining 3 T nutritional yeast on top of lasagna.
Pour 1 Cup of water evenly over the  top lasagna layer. Make sure to get some of the water into the corners of the top of the lasagna or they will get too crunchy.

Cover tightly with two sheets of overlapping foil. Bake 30-45 minutes. Remove foil and bake another 20 minutes. Remove from oven and let sit for 10 minutes before serving.

Shug in the Color Purple said, " I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice". So for today, just today, why not take a moment and savor and delight in the very thing you might have rushed by yesterday. I mean just to be on the safe side, you don't wanna piss anybody off. Now enough noticing...your lasagna is burning.