Make No Bones About It We're Vegan

Monday, April 9, 2012

It's a Mad Mad Mad Matzoh World

It's spring. Vegan peeps season has come and gone. The bunny costume is in moth balls 'til your next gig. And that ugly green basket filler can't be composted. Well boo hoo hoo. Things are still looking up little ducky. After all it's still matzoh time. Matzoh is like the tofu of the Jewish World. Bland by itself but supernatural when mixed in with other flavors. Matzoh is a quick change artist. Today's post deals with all things matzoh. 

The Uncensored History of Matzoh

Once upon a time there were two Jews, probably living in Brooklyn. It was right around Easter.  Anyway these two Jews needed a snack so they went to their corner bagel shop. The corner shop was totally out of pumpernickel bagels, their favorite. Mr. Leven the owner, said, I'm out of leavening, which is very Un-Levened of me. Bahahaha, all the Jews guffawed. But here take some flour and New York water with you.They have this new cracker in Egypt called matzoh, maybe you can make it. It has no Levening. Bahahaha. The Jews guffawed again.
So the two hungry Jews went home and made something that looked a lot like cardboard.
One of the Jews chipped his tooth, but that was okay because the other Jew, (his friend) was a dentist.
This matzoh is tough.
Matzoh tough, yeah good luck with that.
Let me try.
Yeah Matzoh's tough. Good luck.
Still they thought this cardboard wasn't bad if they added some dead sea salt. Maybe tough to break, but something  that they still wanted to share with friends. They would just have to tell their friends that the matzoh was tough and good luck.
So each time the Jews gifted their friends with a box of this new matzoh, they would say, "matzoh tough, good luck". This later translated into Mazel Tov, which means good luck with the matzo.
It wasn't until like Zero A.D. that matzo became perforated, right around the same time thatJesus invented zip lock bags.
Matzoh Lasagna
Matzoh Lasagna up close and personal

Matzoh Lasagna Recipe

Approximately 1 box matzoh (any flavor) I used plain
20 oz ( I think) Hm marinara or in a pinch TJ's organic basics tomato sauce in can
2 cups broccoli (chopped)
2 C mushrooms
110 oz tofu drained and pressed
3 T nooch
1 8 oz. package of Shredded Daiya Mozzarella
T of oregano
canola oil spray or olive oil spray
sea salt
1 C H2O

Crumble the tofu in a bowl and add about 2 T of nooch and sea salt to taste. Set aside. Spray fry pan with oil and saute broccoli about 3 minutes, add mushrooms and saute about 2 more minutes. Remove from heat. Get out your 9x13 in. lasagna pan and some foil.
Ladle about 1/2 C marinara on bottom of lasagna pan. Layer with about 5 matzohs. Spread with tofu ricotta, then a layer of veggies and a about 1/4 C Daiya. Repeat with sauce....layering. Pour the H2O all over this baby in between the crevices too, (you don't want hard matzoh), then sprinkle with a little nooch and oregano. Cover with two overlapping layers of foil. Bake for about 35 minutes. Remove foil and bake for another 20 minutes til bubbly and you just can't wait.

 Two Desserts: Here Comes Trouble

PB Matzo Sandwich Cookie

3-4 Matzos preferably perforated
1/4 C chopped walnuts or peanuts
3-4 T PB
1/2 C dark cocoa
4 T coconut oil melted or in liquid form
1/4 C agave
Line cookie pan with parchment paper and spray lightly with canola oil. Combine coconut oil with agave. Stir then add cocoa powder. Stir until it gets thick. Set aside. Spread PB evenly between matzos. Sandwich together. Cut in even rectangle or squares. Brush both sides with chocolate mixture and sprinkle with nuts. Place in refrigerator or freeze until solid.

Matzo Chocolate Brittle

Make Chocolate the same as above, but ignore matzo perforations. Cover Matzoh sheet in chocolate and freeze. Break or cut into triangle and serve with your favorite vegan ice cream.

P.S. Can I have a bagel now?
A big thank you to my photographer today Mr. Crazy Boy :)


  1. Gosh, thanks for the history lesson. All my questions have been answered. I sure miss matzoh lasagna and chocolate-covered matzohs. I've never had a PB matzoh sandwich cookie or I'm sure I'd miss that, too. People mock matzoh but I always liked it.

  2. Anytime, Andrea. If you think of any more questions after sundown hit me up.
    Why do you miss matzoh are you all gluten free now or did you convert?
    I would never mock matzoh, but I "mock chopped liver."

  3. gluten-free. I accidentally deleted your last comment on my scone post. I thought I was publishing it but unfortunately, I hit the wrong button and it's gone to the comment netherworld. At least I got to read it before it left. Now I miss your comment as well as the matzoh. :(

  4. Oh no, Andrea. That finger is just twitching to delete things. Did you learn nothing from that January 21 st delete debacle?
    I'm sure I can come up with another fascinating comment by tomorrow, that is if the blog post is still standing.
    Gluten free. When did you go to the other side?
    Awww. thank you for being sad about the comment and the matzoh.

  5. Omg that pb matzo sandwich cookie looks amazing!!!... nom nom nommmm

  6. I always had a feeling that Jesus had something to do with Ziploc bags. Thank you for confirming my suspicions...

  7. Stay away from that mothrasue, that's mine! Thank you.

    You are quite welcome, Cara. Trust your instincts, especially when it comes to bible history.

  8. Hahahahaha!!! Thank you for this enlightening history lesson Geegers. I'm going to be laughing my head off over the "Jesus inventing Ziplocks" bit for the next few days. :oP

  9. You are so welcome Suesmithy. Wait you didn't know that?

  10. I love this. We've already done matzoh pizza this week, among other things.... at school, it's the pb + banana on matzoh standard. I told one of my students (4th graders) that we eat matzoh to remember how we were slaves in Egypt, but mostly when I've eaten it for a week, I remember how much I like bread. :) Loved this post.

  11. Thank you so much, wingaclaire. Ooh matzoh pizza.That's what they call Massapequa Long Island, really. They nicknamed it Matzohpizza, because the residents are 50% Italian, 50% Jewish.
    ha yes remembering bread...
    Please stop by again.

  12. You know I'm a sucker for anything with peanut butter! Your post made me laugh and laugh :)

  13. Hey Fatto. I do I do know that :) You make me laugh all the time too. Thanx for swinging by.

  14. Oh wow I never even thought about matzoh lasagna - I already eat mine with crackers so this would be a perfect and easier way! ^^ You're so inventive and give the best comments, GiGi!