Make No Bones About It We're Vegan

Friday, September 2, 2011

Your Toast or You're Toast

Today I will attempt to explain some unkind things to you. I don't want to necessarily make your day suck or anything, that's all up to you and your lonesome. Remember, we can always change our days around by taking positive action, so your day never really has to suck that much. Even making tiny changes can be so empowering.

Anyway, this post is rated PG for PG, partially gruesome. I'll give you a recipe at the end of the post so if you want, you can just bypass the graphic stuff. Hey speaking of bypass, you do know that eating animal products can cause quadruple bypasses, right? Yep. Thump, thump, stop! So if you wanna keep that heart a pumpin' and a thumpin' it might be time to eat more of a plant based diet.

Today let's take a glance  at one of the animals you might still be putting on your plate. I applaud you if you've give up red meat. It's a start but don't think you are totally in the clear, buddy! This isn't just about your health any more. It's about compassion. Like I've said before, comapssion is good for your soul, hence your heart.

Let's take a look at chicken, shall we. Let's imagine what the chicken feels like when confined to a battery cage.
WARNING!!!! DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME! Just imagine How it Feels! I repeat! Don't Do This At Home! I take no responsibility for burnt toast.

Imagine this scenario:
You take your favorite morning multi-grain bread out of the frig and place it in the toaster. You savor it, and say to yourself, (because you always talk a lot to yourself in the morning), this flax seed toast is going to taste so good especially if I put some softened Earth Balance on it! 
You, get some organic coffee brewing, plug in the toaster, place the flax seed spelt bread in the slot and press the highest, darkest toaster setting. You pour yourself a steaming cup of joe,  and consider getting baptized even though you are Jewish.
You shout Thank you baby Jesus for free trade caffeine!
You sip your morning java. Ah java.
The world is a beautiful place.This is better than the 70's. Peace. 
Yes this is a beautiful life, it's such a beautiful world I might be able to share the earth with Ann Coulter.

Uh oh is that toast burning? OMG! And just like that you are Snapped out of your disgusting Ann Coulter revery. Thank Goodness.

Crap. Just when you were going to catch up on all your Vegetarian Times reading too and live in placid co-existence with Tea Party folk, the revery ends. Oh no! The smoke alarm in your tiny digs is crazy loud. Your moron next door neighbor the one with the "don't save the dolphins unless they have beer" trucker hat is pounding on the wall of his trailer. Your freakin' toast is stuck and won't pop up. You grab the nearest knife, the one that was going to spread your softened Earth Balance on your whole grain toast. You stick the butter knife in the slot. What?! Don't tell me. You didn't unplug the toaster! Expletive. Expletive.

Zap! Jolt! Hey bub, you still with me? Oops. Sorry about that.

Hey! Now you know that this is how a chicken confined to a battery cage feels everyday of his existence. These poor chickens never even get to experience their morning coffee. Yep, these poor creatures are debeaked too, so they never ever get to wake up and smell the coffee. Yep, these poor chickens are toast!

Please think about what you eat before you eat!

Hey! Let's have a real life breakfast!!! You deserve it.
I heart the new marinated tempehs from Turtle Island Foods Inc. At least the ones I've tried, like Smokey Maple Bacon and Coconut Curry.

The Smoky Tempeh Bacon is perfect in a tofu scramble with tomatoes and peppers and onions. They are already pre-sliced. Of course the tempeh is perfect in a BLT as well. I know I promised breakfast, but really who wants it after the toaster ordeal. Let's do lunch instead.

BLT Taco Salad with Broken "Tortilla Flats"
with a nod to John Steinbeck

Half-Assed Recipe Because I'm Toast Today (serves 4 "Big Baby" salads or 4 baby salads)
For the Salad

About 16 ounces of butter lettuce
8 cherry tomatoes
package of the tempeh featured up there cooked according to package directions
2 T canola or olive oil
About a C of your choice of your favorite shredded Daiya
Crispy corn tortillas as many as you can handle

For the Fake Blue Cheez Dressing
1/2 a block "tofu life" lemon garlic smoked tofu crumbled
1 C vegenaise
1 T apple cider vinegar
1 tsp lemon juice
1/4 tsp sea salt

Directions: Plate it so everything looks pretty. Decorate with broken tortillas while you nosh on some.

Dressing Directions: Whisk all ingredients together except the crumbled tofu. Fold that in last.
Serve over your pretty salad.

Enjoy tomorrow's breakfast.


  1. Sounds good! I will admit I miss blue cheese dressing a little bit so I will have to try that. Is that toaster story true? I had a similar experience with a hair dryer once.

  2. Hi Lilah. No it is not true, but I saved my crazy husband from putting a fork in a toaster once morning. I had a terrible experience with a hairdrier once too. Scary! Really scary.