Make No Bones About It We're Vegan

Monday, April 5, 2010

Please Step on the Scale or I'm Eating Like a Horse

Even before my old friend Mark Samu blogged
about his horse Mr. Peabody eating Veganville's "Martha Made a Mint" cookies, I knew something was up. That something up was my weight. Horses are vegan, of course, of course, but they eat alot too. Suffice it to say, I've been eating like a horse. About five months ago my scale broke. I told myself that living sans scale would be liberating. Since I can no longer fit into my bras this is partly true. I told myself the core ball and massive eight pound barbells, and dryer shrinkage caused the spillage. I never put my bras in the dryer, but I liked the excuse. I ignored the possiblility that a lack of sufficient cardio ( I miss tennis) and hours of test kitchen eating (vegan cheesecake, red velvet cupcakes, and tofu ricotta)could be factors. Finally I asked the inevitable.The most loathed male question of all times. "Excuse me I uh look f--/ zaftig?" Apparently this was not a good time to ask Larry this question, mostly because he was wearing headphones. But, as fat fate would have it I had a doctor's appointment the next day. There was no getting around that doctor's scale. By God I would face those numbers. Denial be damned! 
Nurse: Please step on the scale.
GiGi:Can you take my blood pressure first? Oh never mind, I've been eating a lot of pickles.
Nurse: Please step on the scale.
GiGi:Can you do that tongue depresser thingy first? (cough cough)
Nurse: The doctor will take care of that.
GiGi: Oh allright, you skinny bitch.
Nurse: You can step off the scale now.
GiGi:Not so fast. I have a few questions. It's midday so I weigh  more than I do in  the morning, right?
GiGi: And muscle weighs more than fat, right and I am  built like a fireplug, so how much more poundage does that add? Just one more question. These shoes and clothes weigh about what do you say, 5 pounds, even 6?
Nurse: Yes your clothes and shoes weigh about 5 pounds, but you weighed yourself in your underwear. If you don't mind me saying...Wearing a bra that is too small can cause multiple health problems.
Mr. Peabody even has own FB fan page.

So Larry finally answered me, "If Jennifer Hudson can do it, you can do it!" Today is day 3.5 of " GiGi's" Do it or Diet". Just for the record, if you're in the market for a new scale, Bed Bath and Beyond has a whole array of nifty scales right by the Peta approved "Swedish Fish" display :(


  1. Gigi--if you are eating like a horse..if you are gaining weight then I am the f'ing mastodon revisiting the planet.. Although I too fall prey to the excuses but I have not had the energy to put two and two together 0r I was blissfully go along till you blew my cover.. Although I guess there is dome solace in knowing no matter how thin you are this brain work of scalelife lives with us all no matter what the weight or culinary preference. PS not all vegan is low fat uh…hmm Swedish fish c’mon now..

  2. Dear Noreen-
    You are not a mastadon or science fiction fatty. If we were to calibrate your fat to muscle ratio, you would come out all muscle, unlike me who is currently all bowling ball.
    Swedish Fish are indeed low in fat but high in calories. Let's do this together.

  3. Dear GiGi and Noreen,

    #1 Swedes, as a race, are generally thin because they eat lots of FISH..not swedish fish...well perhaps,some Swedish Fish.They probably don't buy their fish at Bed,Bath,and Beyond.
    I got quite fat when working at Chez Jays from eating an abundance of peanuts...Vegan! See the correlation?..job hazards!Oh,and the chef at Chez Jays was a Swede (Sven,sp?)
    #2 never alow nurses to weigh you..they are liars!Oh,and fish have scales1 ya ,see!

  4. Haha, Miss Heidi! Yes fish have scales and whales have blubber. I understand the Swedish correlation.

  5. and that is why whales eat so many little will never see a whale weigh THEMSELVES,now will you? you know why? they have eaten all the scales!

  6. Bahahaha.I guess that's why whales go to school.