Gluten Free Rocks? Dust...

I just finished baking gluten- free muffins. This was my first attempt at gluten-free, mind you. I was quite excited about the cinnamon and maple wafting from my oven. I couldn't wait to gift my friend Eric with these wheat free beauties, and give him back his stupid xantham gum. I know there are a lot of gluten-free culinary goddesses out there, so please don't take this personally.
These muffins suck. I mean really really suck.They are very ugly too.They are beige and crumbly and look like petrified dinosaur terd. They weigh about a pound each. Think, doorstop.
Even the 5 pats of Earth Balance Larry smushed on one couldn't save it. Now what? Eric is back from his trip abroad and expects these. Well maybe he'll like the pretty box I'm going to display them in. 
Remember, if at  first you don't succeed... vomit...and play some tunes.