Make No Bones About It We're Vegan

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Crazy Boy Cooks Bavarian Crosses and Bloody Root Beers

My creative mommy didn't sew. Instead she pinned and masking taped our Halloween costumes. I believe my mom wanted to pin my sister Heidi and I into different entities, and dreamed of using the masking tape for something other than a hem. I was Clyde one year complete with M-16  and Heidi was the bereted, Bonnie with a Tommy gun. When I was nine my mom asked me what I would like to be for Halloween. I know. I would like to be a half woman-half man. You know, half my face will be like a Ladies face, the other half will be like a Man's and I'll wear half a dress, half pants. Even creative mommy did not go for this. Instead I was allowed to go as Morticia Addams. This was satisfactory. About the same time I decided to redecorate my bedroom. I covered a table with a plush fringed table cloth and put my yes, no, maybe 8 ball shaker on top. My new decorating skills worried my mother. I cut out photos I liked from a glossy magazine and taped them all over my bedroom walls. I did not realize the pictures were from a photo essay on a Satanic cult. In a round about way this brings me to today's theme and the psycho boy I married. Bahahahahaha. As my mommy used to say, To every coffin there's a lid.

Today is Wednesday and Crazy Boy Cooks
Crazy Boy Graces an Album Cover called "Handsome Devils"
Bavarian Pretzels Crosses and Bloody Root Beers
1T vegan sugar
3 C warm H2O
1 packet active yeast
1 tsp sea salt
3 C spelt flour
2 T Himalaya Salt
2 T Gomasio
2 T baking soda
2 T canola oil

Line 2 cookie pans with parchment.
Stir sugar into 1 C of the warm water.  Add yeast and let dissolve, whisk and let sit for ten minutes. It should foam after ten minutes. If it does not that means your yeast is dead as a door knob. Get a new one. Throw away the dead!!
Combine flour, sea salt and oil in in a large mixing bowl. Add yeast mix and mix until well combined. Knead for about ten minutes. Form into a ball.If it's too wet add more flour. Place dough into lightly oiled bowl, cover with plastic wrap and damp towel and let sit for about two hours in a warm draft free spot. Hell is always a good place to make bread. Let sit until the dough doubles in size.
Divide dough into 12 pieces. Roll into balls. Place on parchment and let sit for ten minutes.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Roll each ball into 16 inches and make into fun diabolical things. In a big bowl dissolve the baking soda with water. Brush dough with water baking soda mix and and some real or fake blood.
Bake until golden brown. 15-20 minutes
Enjoy with red colored root beer and vegan ice creme mixed in a mason jar.

Are you sure you can't stay for dessert? Bahahahahah.


  1. I always wanted to go as half man and half woman, but would have also been satisfied with Morticia Adams. These pretzel crosses look good. I'm wondering if a GF flour could replace the spelt. I am DYING for a soft pretzel.

    1. ha... you too. But I bet you could have sewed something yourself when you were nine:)
      Hahahaha *dying* then you must make GF and add xanthan gum I think and all shall be well, Veggie Amanda.

    2. What is funny about that is that my Mom sewed and would make me elaborate costume....but I just wanted one from the store. Didn't know what I had. I am going to try this with xantham gum and gf flour. I need to feed this craving!

    3. Awww. Is that where you get the sewing gene?
      Oooh let me know how he comes out.

  2. I love your mom, Gigi! Please tell her that. How creative! And I love those pretzels - how scary they look! You are your mom's daughter. She must be proud.:)

  3. I just sent your response to said mommy. That is very sweet. I asked my mom to follow my blog but she says she follows no one.
    Yes, in my imaginary life my mommy is quite proud of me.
    Thank you. She did pass on the creative gene ;)

  4. 4 and 20 blackbirds baked with a pretzel... Very nice. I could snack on one of those right about now.
    Still on the fence about the Halloween costume this year.

    1. Now I can't think of the rest of the nursery rhyme hahaha.
      Thank you, they were very good. Now I have sodium eyes.
      What are your costume choices FF?

  5. some real or fake blood.. hmm sure!:))
    those pretzies and the bird are scaryy!

    1. Ha.
      I know I think I scared myself, Richa.I do that occasionally.

  6. I love the raven! And I don't like that he is eyeing those pretzels. I want them!

    1. Me too, I've got him well trained though. He is eyeing those pretzels ;)
      I am sorry Rithika there are no pretzels left ;)

  7. Once I outgrew the clown costume sewed by my grandmother, my mother dressed me up as Sadie Thompson, until I refused. I won a costume contest dressed as Sadie though I couldn't imagine how the judges knew who I was supposed to be. I'm still not sure who she was.

  8. I have never outgrown my clown costume. Is that Sadie Sadie shady lady? Who is Sadie Thompson and why would your mother dress you up like her?
    What was the prize?
    I am traumatized just listening ;)

  9. First I have to say how much Andrea's comment made me laugh!! Who the heck is Sadie Thompson? It's a good thing I wasn't judging that contest! :D

    Gigi, your two-faced idea reminds me of that old 80's lip synch show, Puttin' on the Hits. One of their most famous acts was a guy who was half Lionel Richie and half Diana Ross. He'd turn from side to side, depending on whose turn it was in the duet. I remember finding it very impressive as a kid. I tried to find it on YouTube, but no luck. Maybe Lionel & Diana put the kibosh on that.

    I could totally go for those pretzels! Homemade pretzels are the best!