Make No Bones About It We're Vegan

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

MoFo 5 Veganizing Martha

October 5th. Thank God October 4th is over. Before we get to veganizing Martha today, I gotta come clean here. This has been weighing heavily on me. I have a confession, two actually. Two confessions. 
Confession 1-  I don't do yoga. At all. Unless lying on the couch in a fetal position is a yoga pose. There probably is something called Fetal couch yoga but I don't know since I don't do yoga. I think I could like the shvitzing part of Bikram yoga. I'm used to ovens. Sylvia Plath probably should have tried Bikram yoga a couple of times instead of using her oven.

Confession 2-  I hate nature and the great outdoors. What's so great about it? Being bitten alive by things buzzing around your head in a swamp is not a fun time. And I have never camped. Ever and never. I've heard there is no room service for tents. I know these confessions are un-vegan of me, please believe me when I say...
I am an ethical vegan for health reasons. I'm glad I told you. Phew.
GiGi: Oh look who's here.

GiGi: Come on in Martha.
GiGi: Shit. Sorry wrong Martha. How is George these days? See ya.
GiGi: Oh good you're here.

Martha S: Thanks for having me, GiGi.
GiGi: You are very welcome. Thank you! It's a good thing. You always say, "it's a good thing", ha ha, right Martha?
Martha: Yes, I always do say "it's a good thing", GiGi. What are we making today GiGi?
GiGi: We're making Chocolate Glazed Gingerbread Cakes.
Martha: Oh it's a good thing. From my Martha Stewart Baking Handbook.
GiGi: Hahahaha Martha. Yes you wrote that recipe before you did time in the big house. Not a good thing, Martha.
Martha: Had I not done time we might not have met GiGi.
GiGi: Yeah... well right Martha uh, let me give the folks at home a list of ingredients here.
5 T Earth Balance
Martha: Earth Balance?
GiGi: Yes Martha. It's a vegan butter so to speak.
Martha: What's wrong with organic home churned butter?
GiGi: Come on Marty. Mind if I call you Marty, Martha? Certainly Marty, you are aware of how exploited the animals are..
Martha: But it's a good thing.
GiGi: What?! Let's move on to the recipe.
1.5 C organic unbleached flour
1 tsp baking soda
2/3 C boiling water
1 tsp baking powder
2 tsp ground ginger
3/4 tsp tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp allspice
1/2 C packed brown sugar
2/3 C unsulphered molasses
1 tsp ground flax seed made into a slurry with 3 T water
Ganache and crystallized ginger.

Martha: Where is that organic egg?
GiGi: Marty, you came here to veganize. I used groudn flax seed instead of an egg. I don't want to proselytize, but I happen know what happened to the chicken who laid that organic egg last time you had the flu.
Martha: Farm raised organic chickens make the best soups, GiGi.
GiGi: Oh God help me.Preheat oven to 350 degrees. You can take it from here Marty.
Martha: Generously butter...or Earth Balance and flour a 6 Cup jumbo cupcake pan, tapping out excess flour. In a small bowl, (perhaps an heirloom), stir together baking soda and boiling water. Set aside. In a medium bowl, (perhaps one you've bought at a country store), sift together flour, baking powder and spices. Set aside.
In bowl of electric mixer with a paddle attachment, beat butt, I mean Earth Balance with brown sugar until light and fluffy.
GiGi: Awww. Fluffy I had a cat named Fluffy. Now add the flax seed slurry. Beat well. Add molasses, fresh ginger and reserved baking soda until well combined. Divvy up the batter amongst the prepared muffin pan, filling each about 1/2 way. Bake about 25 minutes rotating halfway. Transfer to wire rack and cool for 15 minutes.
Martha: Invert cakes onto rack to cool completely. Here's an interesting thing GiGi. I came up with this recipe while practicing my daily yoga inversion headstand. I glanced at a rack of marmalade muffins and thought wouldn't it be priceless if they were actually upside down cupcakes.
GiGi: And here I thought I would have to pour ganache over them while standing on my head.
Martha: See GiGi, yoga. It's a good thing.
GiGi: Well thanks for stopping by Martha.
Martha: You are welcome. Thanks for having me.
GiGi: Yeah. Yeah.
Hey I didn't forget about the ganache. Martha had to leave to go camping.

1/3 C vegan chocolate chips
1/3 C coconut milk or soy creamer
2 T agave

Boil coconut milk in heavy saucepan. Add vegan chocolate chips and agave and stir until melted and ganachey. After the cupcakes have cooled, line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and place cupcakes, (still on wire rack), above it. Drip about 1 T of ganache over each cupcake. Let ganache run down sides.  Refrigerate until set.

Hey I wonder who else will stop by to help me cook this week. Who do you want to help in your kitchen? Thanks for stopping by. Off the you camp or do yoga?


  1. We totally have the same views on camping and the outdoors! :)

  2. Yay. We should start a club. Nice to see you over here.

  3. Gi, it's YOU! You're the person I want to help in my kitchen!! I think I'd never get anything done though seeing how I'd be down on the floor laughing every other minute. But I bet it'll be totally worth it!

  4. This post was hilarious! :-) I don't do yoga either. I tried it once and I declared that it wasn't for me. I'm a little too type A for all that quiet. I will not camp either. I am terrified of bugs. Now, I like a day hike or hanging outdoors, but when the sun sets I head inside. Glad to know someone else like this!

  5. Wow- this looks delicious! So nice of Martha to stop by:)

  6. This is all making me very hungry! Lilah

  7. MMMM sounds really really good. Bet it would go well with some ice cream!

  8. ooooooh.. bugssss, there were white flies on my indoor basil plant 2 days back.. now the plant is sitting on the balcony... tiny eww bugs!

    that chocolate glazeee.. yummm

    Richa @

  9. Oh no you deh-ent! That joke about Sylvia Plath was tacky and awesome all rolled into one. I spat upon reading it (that is the past tense version of spit, right??) SO glorious!! I'm still laughing... And I'm right there with you in regards to yoga and camping. A). I don't stretch like that; and B). There are better things to be done with my time then roll around in dirt :)

  10. Hey thanx big time for all the vegan love guys! Didn't really get to see this until today. Rotten allergies yesterday.Veganosaurus, I have a feeling there would be mutual laughter and fun and games and beautiful food in your kitchen. Thanx so much.
    - VeggieAmanda- haha. Thank you. Yeah, I know yoga is a stretch. bahahaha.
    Thank you Big Bad Art and Lilah!
    Good one Heather!!!
    Ew, little white of God's creatures but yuk.
    Cara- you funny. Thank you! No rolling around in the dirt. What is deh-ent mean?

  11. Congrats for getting Martha to help you in the kitchen in spite of your confessions. I like yoga and camping (please don't hate me) but I have a far worse confession than you. I'm afraid to even admit it, but I've never had a green juice or smoothie. Nope, not even a sip.

  12. Thank you. Although I must admit Martha Washington would have been more of a help, Andrea. Do you do yoga while camping? Hating is not nice, especially when you have been so kind to come over here and read me. Do you mean a green smoothie or any kind of smoothie? I understand where there could be some kind of gag factor involved. So you're okay in my book I mean blog.

  13. Green. And no. And I might add that Martha probably does yoga four times a day with a yoga master, and I'm sure she has room service in HER tent. I have to agree with you about bugs though.

  14. Ahhhh, hahahahahaha. She does, she does, And she does have room service and a bellboy (yuk yuk) for her tent.

  15. I won't be inviting you to my Yoga Camp any time soon then. Unless you bring Chocolate Glazed Gingerbread Cakes then we'll be too busy gorging ourselves to care about yoga or bugs.

    I LOVE yoga (off to class in a few hours) and I LOVE camping. I do insist on a really awesome tent and mattress though, which we do have. But I love the outdoors and I love camping trips, they are so much fun. If fun is your idea of doing something completely opposite of your every day life (like peeing in a bush). Obviously if peeing in a bush is a daily occurence for you then this isn't gonna seem so unusual......

    I know a few people who don't like camping or yoga so you're not that weird.

  16. Hahaha, yoga camp, Do I RSVP now?
    I'll bring the ginger, cakes. Thanx Jeni.
    Peeing in a bush is not so daily anymore.
    Never been called "not that" weird. Thank you for reading.