Today is all about knife skills for vegans. Knife skills are like basic life skills. I'm sure you are probably crafty enough to use scissors and incisors but in my kitchen knives are a preferred tool. Use the right tool and you can say sayanara to kitchen accidents, or at least save on finger cots and dental bills.
1. Never run, swing from a rope or wear a blind fold while wielding a chef's knife. You are not Zorro.
2. Put that knife down when you are talking to me. Don't use it your knife as an extension of a hand gesture. Do not punctuate with the point of a knife!
3. You talking to me? Yes, I just asked you a fascinating question, but please please, don't continue dicing while looking me in the eye and telling me in elaborate detail about how your last date took to you to Arby's.
4. We might not eat meat or crustaceans but don't chuck that mallet just yet. Nuts and coconuts need attention too.
5. It's okay to raise that mallet the next time a snarky omnivore tries to sneak a beef bouillon into your veggie stock. (Yes Mr. Omnivore even beef stock has beef in it.)
6. Hey where you going with that cleaver? It'll never be bloody from meat again but isn't it great for smashing garlic and removing an avocado pit?
7. Do not swallow fondue forks like a sword swallower even though it is the funniest thing in the world, and your crazy ass friends will think it's hysterical. Food is much more important than a night in the emergency room. (And cheaper too.)
8. Rusty knives cause gonnorreah, or is it gangrene? Eh, same thing.
9. And never ever cut a lemon or any delicious fruit in mid air. Always use a flat surface. Or it will come out looking like the lemon garnish below, smart ass!
For the recipe please visit the blog I swiped this from. (See the many uses of the mallet). Maybe you can't see the lemon wedge anymore because I cropped this food photo with a hatchet. These tropical grapefruit meyer lemon parfaits can be particularly delicious after a loss of blood. But we're avoiding that aren't we?